Yesterday

I've been stuck. Completely stuck on this concept of time. A few of you have heard me try to make sense of all of this a time or two before, but I really can't shake it. As I approach 30 I'm completely in awe as to how quickly time has passed. Now, not to take away from you poor mothers whose kids are actually out of the house and in college already without you (!!!!), but how in the world is Caleb 5?!? If I do my math right (and it was my strong suit in school!) he was born 4 days ago. Three weeks ago I was 12 and my best friend "broke up" with me. About a week and a half ago Matt came to move me out of my college apartment. And, if time continues to move at the same speed it has been, this means that in about 5 weeks I'm going to be 60!! I've always been one to be sentimental. I've known all along that my kids grow up and out of infancy way too fast. Those early days feel like forever but the weeks fly by. I hold onto their clothes as if maybe, magically, one day their newborn or toddler selves will show up at the door just waiting to be put back into those adorable outfits that I've been saving for them. And books? Oh goodness. I'm afraid we will have bookshelves in our "adult house" one day stocked full with Thomas the Tank Engine and Curious George, Pinkalicious and Guess How Much I Love You. Because, if there's a memory in my head of me reading the book to any of my kids, there's no way it'll ever get thrown away.
All too often I find myself getting caught up in the struggles of life with four pre-schoolers: the phases they seem to go through at least in pairs, the inability for anyone to tie their own shoe, the incessant noises being made and directed at me though not one of them is actually saying a single actual word...
Anyone who knows me hopefully knows that I wouldn't trade it for the world - including a clean house! - and that's what I'm focusing on trying to remember on a daily basis. I know we've all heard it as young moms: "You can clean your house later", "The dishes can wait", "The laundry will still be there tomorrow". I believe in all of this. I never set out to be the mom who had a spotless house at the sake of my children, however I did get lost in the "in between". I struggle daily with finding the balance between simply maintaining my house and spending time with my kids. Any and all who have stepped inside my home know I'm not one to value squeaky clean windows and floors (although I did treat myself to hiring someone to powerwash my windows - awesome!). But I do know that we need clean laundry and too many dirty dishes is kinda gross.
But, as this strange time warp has showed me, it's often not until looking back that I realize how quickly time has passed. So I'm trying to remind myself daily that, if I'm not careful, that game I promised Addison I'd play with her "tomorrow" will still be sitting there, unplayed, 6 months from now in just the simplest blink of an eye.
So, in these next thirty years, before it disappears on me again, I'm choosing to be a "yes" mom. Goodness knows, no matter how hard I try, the laundry is still there, there are always new dishes to be done, and someone's bed is always getting un-made. So what's the harm in just letting them go? As a "yes" mom I can at least feel good about what I have gotten done: one more smile on someone's face. An extra minute to hold someone's hand as we run through the backyard from whoever is "it" at that moment. And the extra shot my kids have at enjoying each other when they see Mom enjoying their sibling.